🔥 The DB Grill 🔥

Where database blog posts get flame-broiled to perfection

Accelerating Stablecoin Innovation in US Banking
Originally from mongodb.com
September 2, 2025 • Roasted by Marcus "Zero Trust" Williams Read Original Article

Alright, let's pull on the latex gloves and perform a digital autopsy on this... masterpiece of marketing. I’ve read your little blog post, and frankly, my SIEM is screaming just from parsing the text. You’ve managed to combine the regulatory ambiguity of crypto with the "move fast and break things" ethos of a NoSQL database. What could possibly go wrong?

Here's a quick rundown of the five-alarm fires you’re cheerfully calling "features":

Look, it's a cute attempt at making a document database sound like a banking-grade solution for the future of finance. Keep dreaming. It's good to have hobbies.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go bleach my eyes and triple-check my firewall rules.